I haven’t written in a while. So, in a nutshell, here’s what’s gone on in Dolly’s world for the past month…
We’ve just wrapped up April vacation here, which wasn’t quite a vacation for my two sons who spent a 33 1/2 hour week in Driver’s Ed classes. They weren’t happy about it, although both have their learners’ permits…
Marc had an outburst at school shortly after I wrote about the skank’s reaching out on St. Patrick’s Day weekend. He was suspended for three days until the special ed team could meet and put additional strategies/accommodations in place. We had several extra therapy and psychiatrist appointments and it was a stressful couple of weeks and included three additional school meetings. Add taxiing both kids to chess, track practices, Driver’s Ed classes along with a spring cleanup in the yard, things got pretty hectic here. It was therapeutic for me to let off some steam with the physical work and I love to be outside.
Therefore, I haven’t spent a lot of time on Twitter but for following the posts from our tribe, usually when I am waiting for someone in the car! I read the blogs, sometimes respond to the tweets, getting angry, sad and happy for my tribe.
And for the past few weeks, as I read through everyone’s stories, progress and frustrations, I began pondering the stark differences from my own journey. Many have gone through multiple D-Days. Some are dealing with sex addicts. Others have husbands who have had long term affairs. Most felt their marriages were good, they were supportive wives/husbands and the affairs came out of the blue.
Those stories aren’t mine.
My marriage was miserable. We should have just filed for divorce and had our finances been better, one of us probably would have. My husband and I were both culprits for the marital demise. We neglected each others’ needs, lost the ability to effectively communicate and basically just existed in the same house together. We argued constantly over every little thing. Neither one of us liked the other. I would drive the kids to school for years, come home and be frustrated because he was still there. If he left for work and I came home, I’d be relieved he was gone.
When an old boyfriend came back in the picture, I seriously gave a thought to ‘reconnecting.’ To be clear, I wasn’t out looking for anything and ultimately, nothing happened. But given the right circumstances, it could have. Same with my husband. He didn’t go looking for an affair, the skank slithered in when her own husband filed for divorce and took advantage of our rocky situation. In his case, the opportunity did present itself and things did happen. Would I have done the same? I very well might have.
My husband has repeatedly stated he never went looking for someone else nor would he have ever cheated had we not been where we were. It was said matter of factly, not thrown at me as if it were my fault. And I know my husband well enough to know he is telling the truth.
We’ve both owned our responsibility for the marriage breakdown. We have discussed the affair many times and realize how things got so bad, resolving to each other we would never go down that path again. Two and a half years past D-Day, I can honestly say that I am happy. I hadn’t been happy for a long time. It feels good…